Therapy is a beautiful and cathartic healing process and its essence lies in the therapeutic alliance between the client and the therapist. While I cannot emphasize enough on the importance of having a strong support system of friends, it is essential to understand that your friends cannot be your therapists. One of the main pillars of therapy is the objective and unbiased stance of the therapist and the neutrality they hold. Expecting an unprejudiced perspective from our friends is not only unfair but also nearly impossible.
There are many things wrong with expecting your friends to provide a therapeutic alliance along with the bond of friendship. Firstly, becoming a therapist takes 5-7 years at the minimum and requires intense training and while some people think it is limited to 'listening' it is so much more than that. Being a therapist means not getting swayed by our own emotions, leaving our personal values outside the therapy setting and most importantly- being unbiased and non-judgemental. Our friends cannot possibly stay unbiased and neutral because they come from a place of affection and care and might not be able to keep their personal opinions to themselves which can often be a hindrance in our decision-making process. While a therapist does provide the much needed 'unconditional positive regard', they also try to push us to make our own choices and simply bring in the tools and techniques to help aid us through the way. A ‘venting’ and ‘ranting’ session with a friend can be relieving but if you see yourself constantly banking on your friends and their advice to deal with uneasy emotions, it may be time to consider therapy. Also, as a friend or even as a social being, we may not want to acknowledge this, but listening to someone takes energy and if this energy is constantly being used up, it can be emotionally draining, which is why therapists are equipped with years of training and skills to actively listen to others and help them process their emotions, while also keeping their own wellbeing and mental health in mind.
This might also be a good opportunity to understand that your Psychology Major or practicing Therapist friends, cannot and should not provide you therapy. It is unethical to provide therapy to a known individual and can be counterproductive and dangerous.
I have often noticed my friends and even family members expecting me to have a session with them (for free). This is inappropriate for many reasons. Firstly, if you are a friend, my subjective inputs are going to play a major role and can be a huge obstacle in your growth. Secondly, I am not qualified. Simply studying the subject does not equip me to take sessions, which is why it takes so many years to master the skill of being a therapist. It is an applied science and requires a rigorous process in order to cater to each client and their varying individual needs. Lastly, even if we aren’t friends and I am qualified, it is UNETHICAL to expect therapeutic services for free. Providing therapy to an individual is like providing any other service and should be recognised in a monetary value as well, simply because it is a strenuous process where an individual is putting in their time, energy and knowledge to help aid someone else. This is also a taxing process for the therapist and is a profession like any other.
It is of utmost importance to accept that our friends can never replace a therapist and expecting them to do so is unjust and can lead to emotional exhaustion and unhealthy boundaries in a friendship.
Srishti Chandna is a mental health advocate, currently pursuing her Masters in Clinical Psychology.